Going Solo (Part 2 of 2)

Photo courtesy: 500px.com

Back when I was in elementary, I can still remember telling Katrina, my classmate, that when I grow old I want to remain single for life.  And I was even proud to say that.  I can even recall what Katrina said, “If I were to become single for the rest of my life, I would rather become a nun.”  Hehehe!  A funny idea to me.  Becoming single for life does not mean you have to become a nun.

I have never envisioned myself being married and having kids.  Never. Never in my wildest dreams have I longed for a husband and children of my own.  And, never have I considered myself an ‘abnormal’ person for having no thoughts and no plans of getting married.  Whenever my friends tease me, “Ga lina-on ka naman” (You are acting like a spinster again) or “Daw laon ka” (You’re like an old maid), I never got offended.  Ever!  I even take it as a compliment, and I am proud to say that! :D

I have even prayed to God to give me that desire to remain single for the rest of my life.  I could remember praying and asking God to hear my petition, crying hard (literally), when I was still in college (or early years after graduation).

In 1 Corinthians 7, I am convinced of what Paul had to say about marriage and singleness.  When I read the verses, I feel like Paul is speaking to me directly, that it is directed to me, an advice from my mentor.

- 1 Corinthians 7:7, 25-35, 38

Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.  Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are.  Are you married?  Do not seek a divorce.  Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife.  But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned.  But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

What I mean, brothers, is that time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who as happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them.  For this world in its present form is passing away.

I would like you to be free from concern.  An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord.  But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world – how he can please his wife – and his interests are divided.  An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world – how she can please her husband.  I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.

Having all said that, I agree with Paul’s judgment: it is wiser not to get married so as to have an undivided devotion to the Lord.

I have examined my heart regarding marriage and singleness. And yes, I admit I do have fears and expectations on marriage (Well, who doesn't?), the what-ifs and all.  But all those are outweighed by my desire of going solo -- my heart is inclined to becoming and remaining a single woman for a lifetime for God’s kingdom.

I can embrace that thought with gladness in my heart.  I know that there are fallbacks of being single for life, and challenges that one has to face, but it doesn’t scare nor discourage me to pursuing that calling. It is a big challenge and a serious responsibility that requires commitment as well. Maybe it hasn’t dawned on me yet or something.  But for me, it doesn’t matter if I would live alone for the rest of my life.  Most people say that it would be a lonely life if I don’t get married; you won’t have someone to help you when you need one.  Again, it doesn’t matter because time is short and time is running out.  Christ is coming again sooner. In my own opinion, there is still so much work to do until Jesus comes, and that I would not have the time anymore to concern myself on marriage.

People have different, good reasons of getting married. Well, people want to be loved and accepted. Yes. I understand that.  I think, or I believe rather, we are designed to have a need of being loved and giving love.  That is how God wired us. In fact, since the beginning of age, marriage and family is God's original idea (Read Genesis 2). God must have even copyrighted, patented, and trademarked marriage. That is why most people get married: they have a need to love and be loved by someone, a need of belongingness, a need of a family.  

But as for me, I may think differently from the rest. I believe that it’s not just in marrying someone can a person receive love and give love.  It’s not only in marriage can one attain a feeling of being complete.  It is not only in marrying someone can the need of love be met.  There are many channels of giving and receiving love aside from marriage (from friends, church, work, relatives, etc.), and there are many forms of channeling love to people.

People always say, “Lain gid ya kung may pamilya ka nga ginatawag nga imo” (It’s different when you have a family you call your own). Well I say, having a family that you call your own is not only limited to having a husband you have legally married, and bearing children form your own womb.  You can belong to a family even if they are not blood-related to you; the church of God is a family, it’s one permanent thing.

Photo courtesy: footage.shutterstock.com

Some say, "Teh ma ano ka na lang sa ulihi magtigulang ka? Ano matabo sa imo kung magmasakit ka kag wala ka upod?" (So what would you do later on when you grow old? What would happen to you if you get sick and you have no one?).

"Please, do not bother. It's not your problem anymore. It's my problem. MY problem!" -- here comes my thought bubble again as I counterattack bombardments. LOL!

I believe, God will always assign and send someone who would give aid and would care for my need during times of crisis. God promises His children that even to their old age, He will take care of them (See Isaiah 46:4). Besides, there would come a point in our lives, that we would all experience aloneness. So my conviction on this is:

Marriage in this age is passing; it is temporary.  But marriage in eternity is really something to look forward to: Jesus as the bridegroom and the Church (Christ’s believers) as the bride. Marriage in this age is a visual aid for ‘marriage’ that is to come. Now that is something I can really look forward to.  It’s something lasting compared to having a marriage in this present age.  I know not everyone can understand what I'm trying to say, and I am fully aware that I cannot enforce this on anyone. But I am happy and content to have this gift of understanding from God.

What amuses me more is (aside from the epic facial expressions and 'bombing attacks' from people), nobody (so far) seems to take me seriously. Really. My lifegroup leader does not take my conviction too seriously. Well, I guess, she is thinking I'm still too young to conclude the 'single life' thing. "You never can tell," what her thought bubble is probably saying. Take note: my lifegroup leader is a certified célibe, solterona herself; and she is not convinced of my stand. But what I'm really scared of -- if God happens to think I've got a sense of humor. Then, I'm in trouble. LOL!

My thought bubble: "No problem. I totally understand. Long way to go, right? But I am still not convinced of getting hitched." There are only two probable reasons, I repeat: probable reasons, for me to be convinced, but let's not tackle on that.

So I am asked: Why would I choose to remain single for the rest of my life?  My life here on earth is short, and my borrowed time is limited.  I want to make the most of it in serving the Lord with an undivided heart and attention (furthermore, with an undivided time, money, talents, resources, and strength).  I believe that I am effective and productive in His ministry when I remain single.  If and only if God thinks I am more effective and more productive in His ministry with a life partner, then so be it. That would be a different discussion then.

For me to remain single for the rest of my life is a gift from God. It is something divine. I can and will gladly accept it.

Thank You, God, in advance. :)

“God gives you a different perspective when you see an expanded horizon.” – from the Book, Solo Flight

[Journal entry: March 26, 2012]